The crazy thing about being engaged is that it is so different from dreaming about being engaged. Why? Because now you actually plan stuff. I was very much the girl who didn't want to plan anything, or make any phone calls before actually being engaged (besides Pinterest of courssee). And, seeing as I was definitely not expecting to be engaged until Christmas (thanks to Jaron's not-so-suttle hints.. ), I was pretty surprised and slightly overwhelmed at the fact that I wasn't expecting it, and here it was.
See, I'm someone who likes to know when everything is happening, so I can plan out my schedule. So as much as I love surprises, they take me off guard. All of this to say, here we are, engaged! The excitement is high, and we start the planning.
What do we do first? Well.. logically, I decided we would sit down and write out our guest list. When calling venues, I wanted to have a number in mind. So, that is what we did. Jaron started. After only 4 names, I piped in and asked him why those people. He explained, and I argued it. After FOUR names only.. you can imagine how this task went. "Why them? You don't even hang out with them anymore." We literally had to stop because we were both getting frustrated. Here we are, planning, and already fighting. I realize now that this is often a point of conflict in planning the wedding for many couples.
I literally thought, oh crap, we are going to get to 300 people in no time the way Jaron is going. Jaron wants a big wedding, and I want to keep it small. We didn't exactly discuss this before we got engaged.
So, we picked up the list a few days later, and somewhat finished it. I decided I would let Jaron write down everyone he wanted, as we could always go back to it later and cut people out if need be. I still found myself glancing at his list and not understanding why he wanted to invite _____ if he doesn't even "know" them (according to me). My list was quite small..
In the end, I learned some things:
1) Jaron had been thinking for a while about people he wanted to invite. Sometimes your guest list involves those who have left an impact on your life. This doesn't necessarily mean you are best of friends at the current moment. There is a difference between acquaintances/long lost friends and those who you have really connected with on a personal/emotional level. I can relate to this completely with my girlfriends from my France trip. We connected on very personal and vulnerable levels, they are not shallow friendships. Invite these people, they are important, and this is an important day in your life.
2) If I didn't understand why a certain person was on The list, I would ask in an accusing way. However, I learned to ask with the intention to actually understand. Jaron put them on the list for a reason. Maybe there isn't a connection, and they can be crossed off. Maybe there is. It's important to look deeper, and to be sensitive. I don't know all of Jaron's friends of the past, he doesn't know all of mine.
3) Have fun! Making the guest list can be fun, it doesn't have to be a point of conflict, but we willing to accept it could be, and THIS IS NORMAL! Both parties have different expectations of whom the guest list should include. It's a matter of working this out, asking questions, and compromising.
xo Hannahleigh
